The Foundational Self

We all have needs, no matter what age or stage of life we're in.

All humans need connection, a sense of belonging, security, safety, and, most of all, unconditional love to embrace the humanity of us all. We all do our best with the values, beliefs, love, and support we are given during our formative years. However, every generation inadvertently passes their traumas, hardships, and pain to the next generation, and so it goes.  

We then base our beliefs about ourselves, others, and our world on those early values. They're often unspoken, and if people react negatively or if we're not living in alignment with the culture of our past, we may think that there's something wrong with us or that we're too different to be accepted. 

We observe and experience our families, community, and culture and decide through mirroring, comparison, and modeling what is right or wrong, good or bad. We use this to create our own moral compass to navigate our lives.

We point in the direction we think is "best" and develop core beliefs about who we are during our lives. We seek validation because we started learning these things as children, and children are ego-centric — everything they think "must be true" to them. 

It's often only after reaching mid-life that we realize we've replicated these same patterns from childhood into our adult relationships. We seek out validation for our core beliefs about ourselves, which often can explain our emotional reactions and tendencies towards perfectionism and people-pleasing. And let's be honest, as women, our culture has set us up with an unattainable image of success — have a thriving career, be the perfectly involved mom, and of course, a fit, attractive, and never-aging woman.

But here's the not-so-secret secret: If our self-esteem and worthiness are based upon the standards of others and the fleeting external validation of the world we live in, then we are not trusting ourselves or able to access our deep inner wisdom. 

Once you know your Foundational Self, you'll have a stronger sense of who you are, live your life more courageously, improve your ability to set healthy boundaries, and understand how to break free of the shackles of perfectionism and the need for external validation.